Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They took my balls.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
