just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
