Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
