new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
