Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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