Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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