The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
