Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
