Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
