i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
