She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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