Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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