Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
