I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
