it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
