at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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