i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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