I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
