he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
