The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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