You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
