i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
A bitchslap is in order.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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