just tell him i said nine months
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
