she kept yelling 'call me bella'
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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