i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
