Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
