Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
