is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
