no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
