I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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