Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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