Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
