He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
