you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
