1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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