Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
