AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
