Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
