Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
