Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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