You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
