First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
