Your dad touched me again.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
