we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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