So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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