Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
