This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
