I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
