and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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