If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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