I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
