i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
