What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
