I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
