Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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