what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
