I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it's like heaven, but drunker
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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