I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
