i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
