did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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