cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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