So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
