Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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