is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
