his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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