I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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