somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
