Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
